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Over the next few days, I tried to get my head around the fact that I’d be moving in with Orlando permanently, and he got ready to leave for his Pirates duties. I didn’t like the idea of him leaving, especially considering we hadn’t really been apart for longer than a day or two in the past few months. I couldn’t help but feel sad that we’d be going back to stolen moments between commitments. I resolved that I wouldn’t cry when he left, but I knew the moment the door closed behind him, I’d be a basket case.

The night before he had to catch a plane to California, I was home alone, enjoying the quiet of the apartment after a long week of doing show after show. Lisa was at Jeremy’s, as per usual, and Orlando was at a meeting with the PR people who were handling the Pirates press junket. Over the next few weeks, Orlando would not only be flying all over the world for various premieres, but he’d be making the rounds of the American talk shows in between, and everything had to be perfectly coordinated.

I’d just popped a DVD in the player in the living room, when a knock on the door interrupted my solitude. I set down my bowl of popcorn, and jumped up to answer it.

“Adam,” I said, opening the door. “What are you doing here? It’s really late.”

“Sorry, I’m still wide awake from the show,” he said, following me into the living room. “Just wanted to see if you were up to hanging out for a bit.”

I looked down at my attire and grinned. I had my old ratty bathrobe on, but underneath was a new black silk nightgown, purchased specifically for Orlando’s last night before the craziness began. I pulled my robe tighter around me and sighed. “I guess, for a bit,” I said, sitting gingerly on the sofa so that my robe didn’t open. I moved my bowl of popcorn so he could sit as well.

“I heard you were offered Amneris,” he said, before I could say anything else. “Are you taking it?” His eyes searched mine.

I shook my head. “No, I’m staying with Wicked for a few more months,” I said, unable to meet his eyes. We hadn’t really been friends since I’d chosen Orlando, and it bothered me that he was here now. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, so I just let him lead the conversation.

“I figured as much,” he said, looking around. “Lisa said you’re moving out of the building.”

“Yeah, just uptown, though.”

“What’s she going to do?”

“As far as I know, she’ll be staying here for a while,” I said, finally looking at his face. He seemed strange, distant somehow, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong.

He nodded and looked around again. “You were going to watch a movie?” He’d noticed the DVD player was on, with the screensaver bouncing happily across the TV.

“Yeah,” I said, shifting. It was starting to get really uncomfortable being next to him, and that was not something I’d ever thought I’d think with Adam. “Is there something you wanted to talk about?” I said finally, after we’d watched the screensaver on the TV for far too long.

“It’s just been awhile since we’ve talked,” he said. “I don’t like it that we can’t chat the way we used to.”

I smiled. He was as uncomfortable with this as I was, and it gave me some small relief to know that I wasn’t imagining things.

“I don’t like it either,” I said, taking his hand. He seemed to relax when I made contact, as though he was suddenly aware that I wouldn’t kick him out or get angry at him. “Things have been awkward, although, thankfully not during the show, and that’s not something I ever wanted for us. I miss being able to talk to you and smile and hug you whenever I want. It’s hard knowing you’re around, but I can’t hang out with you.”

“Are you regretting your decision?”

I gave him a sad smile. “No, not as far as being with Orlando goes,” I said, folding my hands in my lap. “I’ll admit, things have been awkward, but the fact that you’re here and we can talk about it tells me that this will blow over eventually.”

“Good,” he said, smiling. “Because I have something to tell you.”

“Oh really?”

“Cybele and I have decided to try making our marriage work.”

I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but that hadn’t been it. From what Adam had said, his divorce from his wife wasn’t particularly nasty, it was amicable, and they’d remained friends, but it was still surprising to me that they’d reconciled, especially after he’d been with me.

“Charlie, say something.” His smile didn’t seem quite as bright as he looked at me.

“That’s fantastic,” I said, forcing myself to smile at him. “Where did this come from?”

“Well, after you chose Orlando, I did some real soul searching,” he said, shifting on the sofa. “I was hurt, and I didn’t know where else to go, so I started talking to Cybele about what had happened with us.”

“You talked to your ex-wife about us?”

“She had some really good insights about the whole situation,” he said, oblivious to how uncomfortable the idea made me. “And it made me remember how much I loved being around her, how much I loved her. One thing led to another, and we stopped talking about you and started talking about us, and our marriage.”

“She doesn’t have a problem with our fling?”

“Understandably, she’s not happy about it,” he said, shrugging. “But we agreed that what’s done is done, and it’s not like we were still together when it happened.” He paused and gave me a very searing look. “Kind of like you and Orlando.”

I felt my face flush at that look, one I’d come to know very well. It held all the bitterness I’d caused, and I hated it. Fortunately, it disappeared as quickly as it had come.

“So what does this mean for London?” I said, hoping to move away from the shaky ground we were on. “Are you still going?”

He hesitated for a minute. “Actually, I’m thinking I might be staying here.”

A small rush shot through me and I sighed. “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“I just thought that if I’m the reason you turned down Aida, you don’t have to now,” he said, as though he’d just handed me a gift. “I mean, Orlando’s not going to stay here forever, right?”

“Are you asking me to go?” Something was occurring to me, and I needed to flesh it out before I came out and said it.

He hesitated again and his smile faded a bit. “Well, we decided we needed some time apart, right?”

“Right…” I said, letting the word linger for a second. “But we’re both moving on now, so do we really need such drastic measures?”

“Charlie, it’s just not a good idea for us to work together,” he said firmly, almost rudely. I was understandably taken aback. He was never harsh like that with me.

“Adam, we’re fantastic on stage together,” I said softly, trying not to be upset. “And we’re both enjoying doing this show. Why should either of us have to leave?”

“I can’t work with you and put my marriage back together, too,” he said, shaking his head. “I need to focus on my family now, and not on some girl I’m forced to be intimate with at work each night.”

That hurt. I wasn’t just ‘some girl,’ I knew I wasn’t. “You mean ‘some girl’ that you’re in love with,” I corrected, a hint of sarcasm in my voice. “Intimacy is part of our job, and no matter what show you end up doing, you’re going to have to be intimate with ‘some girl.’ It’s the love part you’re having a hard time with.”

“How do you think it’s going to make my wife feel to see us up there?” He’d almost snapped the words.

“About as good as it makes Orlando feel,” I snapped back. “You’re not the only one trying to put a relationship together here, Adam. But we do what we have to for our shows, don’t we?”

“That’s why you should go to London,” he said, jumping up and staring down at me. “I can’t be in a show with you right now, Charlie, I just can’t.”

“Then you go,” I said, getting angrier by the second. “That was the original plan, remember?”

“My boys and my wife are here,” he said, getting louder with every word. “I’ve let you walk all over me enough, and now I’m putting my foot down. Go to London, Charlie. Get out of my life and let me start to move on. It’s only fair.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?” I raged, rising as well. I didn’t care that my robe was starting to come open and my nightgown was showing. “You can’t just order me to go. You seem to forget that I’m not the one making the decision that’s forcing us to stay in the same show.”

“My wife wants to stay here,” he said, taking a step closer to me. “And I’m going to put her needs, and those of my sons, before those of some chick I fucked a couple times.”

I didn’t hesitate, I slapped him across the face, so hard it made my hand sting. “That was low,” I hissed, anger pulsing through me. In a few simple words he’d completely cheapened everything we’d had, and I couldn’t believe how much it hurt.

“Don’t ever slap me again,” he said, his face menacing and dark.

“Then don’t ever say anything like that again,” I said, equally as menacing. “You know it’s not true.”

“That we fucked?”

The words stung again, and of course he put extra emphasis on them, just to drive them that much deeper. “That’s not what it was,” I said, searching his eyes for any hint of the love I knew he still felt for me. “And you know it.”

He shook his head and sneered, turning his face ugly. “No, Charlie,” he said, taking another step toward me. I held my ground. “That’s all it was. Fucking.”

“Stop using that word.” I saw a flash of pain cross his face, however brief, and I realized what he was doing. I stepped back, softening slightly.

“Okay, Adam,” I said, shrugging. “If that’s what you have to tell yourself to help you sleep at night, then by all means, go for it.” I lowered my voice. “But I won’t let you stand here and degrade me that way. Why don’t you just leave?”

He faltered ever so slightly, but didn’t move. “You have to go, Charlie,” he said, but there was no conviction now. He shook himself and hardened again. “I can’t even stand to look at you now.”

“That’s your tough shit, isn’t it?” I sneered. I crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re supposed to be the professional, right? The big veteran in the cast? So where’s that professionalism now? If you hate me so much, it should be easy to turn that hate into something useful.”

“That’s right,” he said, turning cocky. “I do hate you. That’s all I feel for you now. You’re just another actress I’m forced to work with now, Charlie, and that’s all you’ll ever be to me.” He turned and left the apartment.

I stood there for a minute, not sure what to do. I realized I was trembling, and reached out to grip the arm of the sofa, trying to calm my breathing. Without thinking about it, I grabbed my popcorn bowl and hurled it at the wall, cracking the plastic and sending the popcorn flying. As I watched the mess scatter from the force of impact, the tears started to stream down my face, and I sank down on the floor, grabbing the edge of the sofa.

As I sat there, I realized I didn’t want to cry about this. I didn’t want to be hurt by Adam’s words, I didn’t want to care that he hated me and had reduced our relationship to meaningless sex. It was probably easier that way anyway, for both of us. He had his wife, I had Orlando, and that’s how it had to be. We’d been stupid to think we could have a friendship after all of the shit we’d been through.

I don’t know how long I sat there, but I couldn’t help mourning the friendship I’d treasured, the man that I’d known. I cried until there were no tears left, and then I got up to clean up my mess before Orlando came home. He couldn’t know what had happened, because I didn’t want that can of worms opened again. I was just fixing my make-up when he came in the door.

“How did it go?” I said, forcing my smile to be extra bright as he came into the bedroom.

“I’m going to be really tired by the end of this junket, but it’ll be worth it,” he said, looking very pleased with himself. “Disney is really pushing this to be a big summer blockbuster, and they’re sparing no expense.”

“Isn’t that the kind of promotion you want?” I said, coming up behind him and sliding his jacket down his shoulders. I began to knead the top of his arms as he kicked off his jeans.

“Of course,” he said, turning to face me. I lifted his t-shirt over his head. “It’s just exhausting, that’s all.” He leaned down and kissed me briefly on the lips. “What did you do tonight, love?”

I didn’t falter. “Oh, just watched a movie, had some popcorn, nothing too exciting,” I lied, inwardly cringing as the words came out of my mouth. I slid my hands over his shoulders and down his chest.

His eyes darkened and he pulled me against him with one hand while opening my robe with the other. He skimmed his fingers over the silk on my abdomen before burying his face in my neck. His hands moved around to sweep over my back as he began kissing up my neck, over my jaw, to my mouth. The heat coming from his body burned through my nightgown.

But try as I might, I couldn’t get into what he was doing. When his hand moved over my breast, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate, but I couldn’t. All I could see was the hatred on Adam’s face before he left. I knew if I kept that up, I was in serious trouble.

“Charlie, I need you,” Orlando whispered as the straps of my nightgown began to move down my arms. He began to back me toward the bed, and I let him, though I was starting to panic ever-so-slightly at the idea of going through with this when I wasn’t into it. My lack of interest wasn’t fair to him.

I resolved to put as much effort into enjoying myself as I could, and if I had to fake a few things along the way, so be it. He couldn’t know what was going on, he couldn’t be affected by what had happened with Adam, especially the night before he was leaving on a world-wide promotional tour. When he kissed me, I kissed him back with twice as much passion, and somehow made it through.

Afterwards, as I was curled up in his arms, with his fingers moving lazily through my hair and over my cheek, I couldn’t look at him. I picked a spot on his chest and stared at it, anything to avoid looking him in the eye. I knew he’d realized something was wrong, and it was only a matter of time before he mentioned it.

“Charlie,” he whispered, his tone serious. His fingers stopped moving and I knew what was coming.

“You know what?” I burst out, jumping out of bed and grabbing my robe. “I’m hungry. Do you want something to eat?” I was already at the door as I tossed the question over my shoulder. I closed the door behind me before he could answer.

I went into the kitchen and put on the kettle. I fought back the tears as I leaned against the counter, trying to breathe as normally as possible. I had to get through the night, and then I could deal with Adam while Orlando was gone, and all would be well when he got back.

Unfortunately, getting through the night would be harder than I’d hoped. Orlando came out of the bedroom a few seconds later, tying his robe as he went. I turned away from him and dashed my hand over my eyes, at the tears that were steadily trickling down my face.

“Darling,” he said, his voice soothing behind me. I felt his arms come around my waist and it took everything I had in me not to turn and bury my head in his shoulder, and just let the whole story come pouring out. “Talk to me, love.”

I took a deep breath and shook my head. “It’s nothing,” I said, forcing a smile as I turned to look at him. I moved back slightly. “I’m just upset about tomorrow, that’s all.”

“Charlie, come on,” he said, leaning down so he was looking me in the eye. “Don’t lie to me, love. I know you too well for that. Tell me what’s really going on.”

“That’s all it is,” I said, though I couldn’t quite meet his stare. “I promise. I’m just kind of having an off night.”

“I’ll say,” he said, gathering me to him. “You were definitely not yourself while we were making love.” He kissed the top of my head. “Next time, love, just stop, okay? You don’t have to fake anything with me. If you’re not into it, I’d rather know.”

I know I flushed because I felt my face heat up. “I’m sorry,” I said, pulling away to get my kettle as it began to boil. “I just figured this was our last chance to be together before you’re gone for a while, and I didn’t want to waste it by dwelling on my crap.” I gave him a small smile.

Thankfully, he let it go. I made us both a cup of tea, and we went back into the bedroom.