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The next few days were really tense for everyone. Orlando and I were hardly speaking to each other, though neither of us were angry. It just felt like we had nothing to say. Adam only spoke to me when we were performing, but in a way, that made things easier for me. We were rehearsing like mad for the Tony’s, and Orlando was getting ready to go for his Pirates promotional stuff, so we were all really pre-occupied. I ended up taking Orlando’s credit card and going to get my Tony dress with Lisa, because Orlando really didn’t seem interested in going with me. Unfortunately, when I tried to use it, the girl at the boutique wouldn’t let me.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t authorize that card,” the tiny blonde salesgirl said, handing me back the card, rolling her eyes as she did so.

“Is there a problem?” I said, taking it back. I doubted it was maxed out, knowing Orlando didn’t use it that much, and his limit was huge. “There should be plenty of money on the card.”

“You expect me to take Orlando Bloom’s credit card from some strange girl?” the girl said, her tone getting snottier by the second.

I sighed. “He gave it to me to use,” I said feebly, not knowing what else to say. I knew exactly what she was thinking, that I had stolen it or something. It was written all over her face.

“Unless Orlando Bloom is here to sign for this, I can’t let you use the card.”

“And yet, you just let my friend use her boyfriend’s card with no trouble,” I pointed out, looking over at Lisa and her few bags of clothes. “Why is that?” I was getting angry, and I was not in the mood for some cashier on a power trip.

“Orlando Bloom is famous, and I doubt he gives his credit card to just anyone,” the girl said, starting to take my beautiful red dress out of the bag.

“You’re right, he doesn’t,” I said, putting my hand on the dress to stop her from hanging it back up. “He gave it to me, his girlfriend, to use for a very important purchase.”

“I can’t take the card,” the girl snapped, her eyes flashing at me. She was very pointy looking, and her rudeness didn’t help her appearance any. “So unless you have another way to pay for this, I’m going to put it back.”

“Charlie, let’s just go,” Lisa said, coming over to me. She put her hand on my arm. “We can come back with Orlando another time and get it.”

“No,” I hissed, keeping my voice low. People were already starting to stare, especially since every time the girl said Orlando’s name, she practically yelled it.

“There’s no point getting in to this with her,” Lisa said, gently tugging my arm.

“I’m not going to let some minimum-wage salesgirl treat me like this,” I whispered, pulling my cell phone out of my purse. “Orlando should be home now, so I’ll just call him and have him come and sign for the dress.”

We heard a snort from behind the counter and turned around. The blonde girl was standing there, hands on hips, rolling her eyes at me. I didn’t say a word, just dialed home, and waited for him to answer.

“Hello?” he said after the third ring.

“Hey, it’s me,” I said, probably louder than I needed to. “I’m having a bit of a problem.”

“What’s wrong, love?” he said, immediately sounding concerned.

“Nothing serious,” I said, smiling at how worried he got about me. “I just need you to come to ‘Diane’s,’ that boutique I told you about, so you can sign for my Tony dress.”

“Are they giving you a hard time?”

“Well, the cashier seems to think I’m trying to commit fraud or something,” I said, casting a sideways glance at her. She glared at me.

“I’ll be right there,” he said. I gave him directions, and we hung up.

“I know who Orlando Bloom is,” the salesgirl snapped. “Don’t think you can have some guy come in here and say he’s Orlando, because I know very well what he looks like.”

“Oh, you’re a fan, are you?” Lisa said, an evil smirk on her face.

“One of his biggest.” This girl couldn’t have been more than seventeen.

“Then won’t he be pleased when he gets here,” Lisa said, winking at me.

“Sure he will,” the girl said sarcastically. She proceeded to put my dress away.

A few minutes later, Orlando strode through the door of the boutique, looking absolutely stunning in dark grey jeans and a white dress shirt. My heart sped up at just the sight of him.

“What seems to be the problem here?” he said, after he’d kissed me quickly. The girl behind the counter looked ready to crawl under the floor and hide.

“I couldn’t allow this girl to use your card, sir,” she said, her voice trembling ever-so-slightly. “Store policy.”

“Then the policy must have changed in the past ten minutes,” Lisa threw in. “I used Jeremy’s card just fine, and she didn’t even blink.”

The girl turned bright red.

“Okay, well, why don’t you ring up the dress again, and I’ll sign the slip this time?” Orlando said, being all that was charming, as per usual. “And in the future, Charlie has my permission to use my card for however much she wants to spend, okay?”

The girl nodded dumbly as she took his card from me again and processed it. He signed the slip while she re-bagged my dress, then handed the bag to me. The three of us walked out of the store without another word. I’m pretty sure the girl burst into tears as soon as the door closed behind us.

“That was fun,” Lisa said, chuckling, as we walked the few blocks back to the apartment. “Stupid bitch.”

“It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if she’d denied Jeremy’s card for the same reason,” I said, shaking my head. Orlando slipped his arm around me. “But she only denied Orlando’s card because she didn’t believe he’d given it to me. It was a double standard.”

“But we definitely put her in her place,” Lisa said, grinning. “I bet she’ll think twice next time she takes a credit card.” She looked at her watch. “Shit, I have to meet Jeremy downtown. I’m just going to catch a cab, okay?”

“Sure, no problem,” I said. She hailed a cab and we watched her drive away.

A short time later, we were back at the apartment. I took my dress out of the bag and hung it in my closet, admiring it as I smoothed out the wrinkles. Even in a garment bag, it had wrinkled a bit.

“So that’s the dress, huh?” Orlando said, coming up behind me and wrapping me in his arms. He surveyed it closely over my shoulder as I leaned back against him.

“Isn’t it perfect?” I said, unable to keep the grin from my face. I reached out to touch the soft silky material. “Thank you for buying this for me.” I turned in his arms.

“Any time, love,” he whispered, squeezing me against him. I tightened my arms around his neck and pressed tighter to him.

“You know, we still haven’t talked about what happened after the Rent concert,” I said, meeting his eyes. “Don’t you think we should?”

He sighed. “I didn’t want to push you, Charlie,” he said, his hands making little circles in the small of my back. “I figured when you were ready, we’d talk.” He paused. “Are you ready?”

I tried to ignore the clenching in my stomach, knowing this conversation would not be easy. “Yes,” I said, after a brief hesitation. “I think so.”

“Then what we’ll do is get a bottle of wine from the refrigerator and have a glass while we talk, okay?” He released me slowly, and went to get the wine.

I went into the living room and sat stiffly on the sofa. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to tell him, whether I wanted to finally talk about what Sean had said and done, and about Adam and what I was feeling where he was concerned, or if I just wanted to beg for more time and understanding where sex was concerned. He deserved to know everything that had happened, to know why I was so hesitant when it came to physical intimacy. I took a deep breath as he set a glass of wine on the coffee table in front of me.

“I’m not too sure what you want me to say,” I started, taking my glass from the table. I took a sip and let the cold liquid slide down my throat. “And even if I did, I don’t know where to begin.”

“Whatever you want to say is fine,” Orlando said, rubbing my knee lightly. His eyes were fixed on me, but there was only love in them when I looked at him. I knew, just by the look on his face, that he’d understand whatever I needed him to, and that thought lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I took a deep breath.

“Okay, look,” I started, fighting to keep my voice steady. “I know I’ve been incredibly selfish the past few weeks, and I know it hasn’t been easy on you. The truth is, I’m really not happy with myself right now, and I’m trying to deal with that.”

“How are you not happy, darling?” he asked, his voice smooth and silky, making me want to cuddle up in his arms and just take it all away.

“You know, when Sean had me pinned to the couch and on the floor, and he was saying all those awful things about me, about you and about Adam, in the back of my mind somewhere, I couldn’t help but think they might be true,” I said slowly. “I can’t bring myself to face the fact that I’m in love with two very different men, that I feel like I’m leading both of you on, that I’m creating this big drama around myself, when all I really want to do is be in a committed relationship with the man I love.” I took a deep breath and looked at him, at the blank expression on his face. “I’m terrified of what I think of myself when I give in to what I feel, Orlando. In the back of my mind, I can hear Sean calling me a whore, and I can see the hate in his eyes as he said it.” My voice started to tremble, and I had to clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking. “I can’t help but think that if I’d made better choices all those months ago, none of this would even be happening.”

“Fair enough,” Orlando said, sitting very still. “Charlie, you need to listen to me now, okay?” He took my hands in his and forced me to look him in the eye. “Sean is a prick, plain and simple. He lashed out in anger, and nothing that he said was true. As for this whole thing with Adam, you need to ask yourself if you’re with the right man here.” He paused and searched my face. “Am I the one you want to be with?”

A single tear slid down my face as I looked down at my lap, at our hands clasped together. His thumb was lightly stroking over the back of my hand, and he was squeezing my fingers gently.

“I’m so confused,” I managed after a minute or two. “I feel so lost right now, and I don’t know what I want.”

“We can’t be going through this again, love,” he said, his voice raspy. “I’m willing to give you all the time you need to get through whatever it is you’re dealing with, but I need to know that I’m not just waiting for you to run to someone else. I know you love him, I see it when you’re with him, and it hurts more than I’d care to admit, but darling, if he’s the one who can really make you happy, then he’s the one you need to be with.”

“That’s the problem, Orlando,” I said, pulling away from him. I stood up and began to pace the floor in front of him, getting more agitated by the second. “I don’t know what I want, or who I want. I love both of you, as much as that hurts all of us, and I’m trying to get through it, but it’s just not easy.” I paced silently for a moment, while he watched me from the sofa. I stopped and faced him. “I think I need to be by myself for awhile,” I said finally. “I need to have the time to sort this out on my own, to deal with my own shit, before I can even think about being with either one of you.”

Even though the words were foreign to me, completely unplanned, I knew as I said them that they were what I needed. It felt like my whole life was becoming a soap opera, like every day was a fresh drama. I was always getting hurt, or hurting someone else, and I just didn’t want to do it anymore. But the idea of being without Orlando took my breath away, and I had to sit down. I flopped down in the chair beside the sofa and looked at my feet, not wanting to see the hurt on Orlando’s face, the pain I knew would be there when I looked up.

“Are we talking a break, or a break-up?” he said after a hesitation. The whole scene seemed so familiar, only this time it was me causing the problem, not him.

I sighed. “Is it fair to say a break, when we don’t know how long it will last?” I said, twiddling my thumbs to channel some of the nervous energy that was flowing through me.

“If we do this again, there’ll be no second chances,” he said firmly, standing up and looking down at me. There was anger on his face, more so than the hurt I’d expected.

“Don’t get pissed at me,” I said, standing as well. “We both know this is for the best. For crying out loud, you can’t even touch me without me flinching. What kind of relationship is that?”

“But he can?” he snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. His face twisted into a sneer. “I get it, Charlie, believe me. You want to be free to sleep with him again if the urge strikes you, because Lord knows we haven’t been intimate in awhile.”

I felt like I’d been slapped. The fact that this kind of nasty shit was coming from Orlando was unbelievable, considering how sweet he’d been only moments before. I tried to see it from his point of view, to understand why he’d turned so mean so quickly, but I couldn’t get my head around it.

“Where did that come from?” I said quietly, not wanting to anger him more by yelling.

“I’ve tried to be nice about this, Charlie, I really have,” he said, his tone still angry. “But enough is enough. Cut the shit and tell me straight out what it is you want here. Do you want to be with me or not?”

I couldn’t make that kind of decision right then and there, on the spot like that. I simply shook my head, grabbed my purse off the end table beside the sofa, and left. I didn’t know what else to do. From the loud sound of shattering glass I heard as I hurried down the hallway away from the apartment, I’m assuming that wasn’t the reaction Orlando was looking for.

I hailed a cab a block or so from the building, gave the driver an address, and pulled my cell phone out of my purse. As soon as I opened it, it started to ring. With shaking fingers, I answered it.

“Don’t do this now,” I said into the phone before Orlando could say anything. “I know I shouldn’t have walked out like that, but I need some time to think.”

“I just need to know if I’m spending tonight here, or if I need to make hotel arrangements,” he said, somewhat coldly. “We didn’t really figure out if we’re still together or not.”

“You know what? Do what you want to do,” I said, getting more than a little angry myself. “If you can’t give me a few hours to get myself straightened out, then just leave. I don’t even care anymore.” I shut the phone.

The cab pulled up in front of Jeremy’s building a few minutes later. I hoped Lisa was there, and it never occurred to me to call her cell phone to make sure. I went into the lobby and rang the buzzer for his apartment.

“Yes?” his deep voice boomed out from the intercom.

“It’s Charlie,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. There was a security guard and what looked like a concierge watching me, and I didn’t want to make a scene. “Is Lisa there?”

“Yeah, she’s right here,” he said. “Come on up.”

I didn’t bother waiting for the elevator, taking the stairs two at a time until I got to the fourth floor where Jeremy’s apartment was. Lisa was waiting for me in the hallway.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go,” I panted, a bit out of breath from my sprint up the stairs. “Orlando and I had a fight.”

“I figured it was something like that,” she said, leading me into Jeremy’s open-concept apartment. I didn’t really look around, just let her lead me to the beautiful black leather sofa in the middle of the living room area. Jeremy was in what I assumed to be the kitchen, a coffee pot in his hand. I sank down into the cool leather, trying to calm myself down, to get my head together before I told Lisa what had happened.

“I’m so messed up,” I said, shaking my head sadly. “I don’t even know exactly what happened, but I think we’re breaking up.”

“Again?” I know she tried to hide it, but the exasperation was clear on Lisa’s face. “You need to stop doing this.”
“That’s what Orlando said, too,” I said. “He knows I’m undecided between him and Adam, and he’s getting tired of it. The stupid part is, my fling with Adam was supposed to be just that, a fling, to get me through a hard time. And now it’s fucking up everything else.”

“Did you think you’d be able to just walk away once you’d slept with him?” Lisa said, putting her arm around my shoulders as Jeremy handed me a cup of coffee. “And I hate to say ‘I told you so,’ but I warned you that you’d have to deal with the consequences when you got back together with Orlando.”

“But that was months ago,” I said, my voice a little louder than it needed to be. “We talked about it right after it happened, and it went away. And then Sean had to show up again, and now I’m terrified of my own boyfriend. God, I hate him.”

“Did you ever think that maybe it’s you that’s the problem, Charlie?” Jeremy interjected, sitting across from us on the chair that matched the sofa. He wasn’t being nasty or rude, he was just asking a question, one that made me pause.

“That’s hardly what she needs to hear right now,” Lisa said, throwing him a hard look.

“No, it’s okay,” I said, gripping my coffee cup tighter. “I didn’t look at it that way. What do you mean?”

“It just seems to me, and I may be way off here, but it seems that you’re the one who’s keeping all this stuff in the air,” he said, shrugging. “It’s almost like you enjoy the attention you get from these guys, like being the center of attention is what you want.”

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Lisa did, too. I couldn’t find the words to respond to what he’d said, but Lisa certainly could.

“Why the hell would you say something like that?” she said, an edge to her voice that meant she was trying to control her temper. “You make it sound like she’s manipulating Orlando and Adam just for the attention.”

“That’s not what I said,” Jeremy said in that ever-so-patient tone of his. “And I’m not saying it’s intentional, I’m just saying that’s what it sounds like.”

“But why would I do that to people I love?” I finally managed, my throat closing up as tears threatened me. “No, that’s not right, I can’t be like that.”

“Not helping, Jeremy,” Lisa said, clearly annoyed. “She wouldn’t be this upset about everything if this is what she wanted.” She rolled her eyes.

“It just seems like she’s blaming everyone else for this mess, and isn’t really looking at the person who’s in the middle of it all,” he said. “No, it’s Sean’s fault she can’t be with Orlando, and then it’s Adam’s fault because he’s made her fall in love with him, and of course it’s Orlando’s fault for not understanding her feelings for another man. In reality, whether or not she wants to admit it, it’s Charlie’s fault for making bad choices, for giving everyone the run-around, and not accepting responsibility for the crap she’s created.”

“Okay, first of all, don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” I snapped, not believing the gall he had to talk about me like that. “And second, you can’t blame me for everything that’s happened. I didn’t ask to fall in love with Adam, I didn’t ask to be weird with Orlando, and I certainly didn’t ask Sean to attack me the way he did. That’s absurd.”

“The last one isn’t your fault, that’s for sure,” Jeremy said, his dark eyes flashing. “But you chose to fall in love with Adam, to sleep with him, and you’re choosing to let things stay weird with Orlando. If I were him, I’d have been gone long ago.”

“You can’t help who you fall for,” Lisa said, squeezing my hand. “She didn’t decide she wanted to screw Orlando over by falling for someone else. That’s a crass thing to even think, Jeremy.”

“Charlie, look, if you knew you were getting too close to Adam, why didn’t you do something about it?” Jeremy said, as though he were speaking to a child with a mental deficiency. “You. Made. The. Conscious. Decision. To. Pursue. That. Relationship. Suck it up and deal with the consequences.”

I stood up and slammed my coffee cup down on the coffee table. “You know what? You don’t even know me,” I hissed, straightening my shoulders as I squared off in front of him. “You haven’t any right to talk about my life or my choices like that. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just some guy my roommate likes, which makes you nothing to me. So until you actually mean something to me, or have a place in my life, why don’t you keep your arrogant fucking opinions to yourself?” I turned to Lisa, breathing heavily. “I’ll see you later.” I left.

I stormed out of Jeremy’s building, cursing under my breath at what an ass he’d been. He had no right to talk to me the way he did, and I wasn’t going to sit there and let him. I hadn’t chosen to fall for Adam, I didn’t want to be in the situation I was in, and I certainly didn’t make the choices that put me there. At that moment, I hated all men, and all their crap. I didn’t know where I was going, I just kept walking. I had to be at the theatre in a couple hours anyway, and before I knew it, that’s where I ended up.

Ignoring the looks of the cleaning crew in the lobby, I marched through to the changing area, threw myself down at my dressing table, and started to cry. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I couldn’t go home, because Orlando was there, I couldn’t go see Lisa because she was at Jeremy’s and I didn’t want to deal with him, and I just couldn’t think of anywhere else I would feel comfortable enough to just let loose.

I cried until I had no tears left, a good fifteen minutes at least, letting out all the hurt and the confusion that I’d been bottling up. I hated myself at that moment, hated how my life was going. The Tony ceremony was just over a week away, I was part of one of the most successful shows on Broadway, and I was doing well financially, but personally, I was a wreck. And some little nagging part of my mind kept telling me that Jeremy was right, that I’d put myself in this situation, and now I had to deal with the consequences.

“Charlotte, what are you doing here so early?” Nick swooped into the seat beside me, and I felt his warm hand on my back. It felt nice to see a friendly face.

“I just needed some quiet,” I said, forcing a smile as I sniffed back the tears. I knew my face was a disaster, but I couldn’t really fix it before he saw it. I shrugged to make light of the situation.

“Where are those beautiful men of yours?” His question was light and teasing, but I knew him well enough to know what he was really asking.

“Orlando’s at home, and I don’t know where Adam is,” I said, dashing my hand across my face. “Nick, I need to ask you something,” I said, turning slightly so I was facing him.

“Anything, darlin’.”

“Do you think I’m a bad person for the mess I’m in with Orlando and Adam?” I wanted an outside perspective on the situation, but from someone who knew me.

“Not at all,” he said, without hesitation. “But I do think you need to make some very hard decisions, and stop putting it off. Honey, think about it. You’ve got Orlando Bloom at home, and he’s there because he wants to be with you. How many girls in this world would kill for that? And on the other hand, you’ve got Adam Pascal pining after you more than he does after his wife. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this was some badly written romance novel, not real life.” He shook his head. “They won’t wait forever, baby girl. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up alone, wondering where all the love in your life went.”

What he’d said was all too true. I had to get things figured out, and fast. “Thanks, Nick,” I said, pulling my cell phone from my purse. He discreetly left me alone to make my phone calls.