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A few days later, I went shopping with Lisa, trying to find the perfect dress for the Tony Awards ceremony. We still weren’t sure if Orlando would be able to go, but whether he did or not, I still had to look fabulous, just in case I won.

“So what kind of dress are we looking for?” Lisa said as we looked through some dresses at an upscale boutique a few blocks from our apartment. “Sassy, slutty, sexy?”

“Um, preferably not slutty,” I laughed, pulling out a simple black satin dress with a strap on one shoulder, and a small bow on the opposite hip. It was floor-length, and I was already picturing what shoes I would wear with it, when Lisa pulled it out of my hand.

“No black,” she said, putting it back on the rack. “You wear too many dark colours. For this, you’re wearing something bright and vibrant. You’re 24, not 64.”

I sighed as she dragged me from rack to rack, pulling out dresses and handing them to me. When we’d gone through every rack in the boutique, a sales lady took me to a dressing room and I began trying on the dresses.

I tried on six or seven, and each time Lisa shook her head and shooed me back into the dressing room to try another one. I kept cringing at the bright colours, thinking how tacky they could look in the wrong lighting. I pulled on a cherry red floor-length gown with fairly thick straps and a deep V in the back that ended just below my waist. The front had a semi-plunging neckline, also in a V shape, that showed the valley between my almost-non-existent breasts. It was tight at the waist, and fell straight to the floor from there. I couldn’t believe how sexy I felt in it. A huge grin spread over my face as I stepped out of the dressing room to show Lisa.

“That’s it,” she said, standing up to hug me. “Charlie, that dress is absolutely stunning on you.”

“You know what? I think you’re right,” I said, looking at myself in the multi-angled mirrors. I noticed the price tag hanging from the side of the dress, so I looked at it. I almost collapsed where I stood. “Lisa, this is a $2500 dress!” I breathed, trying to keep my voice down so no one else in the store heard me. My heart sank. As beautiful as it was, I couldn’t afford that much for one dress.

“It’s Prada, what do you expect?” Lisa said, coming to stand beside me. She adjusted the straps so the dress hung even better, making me that much sadder that I couldn’t have it.

“Let’s find something else,” I said, heading back to the dressing room. “There are still a few dresses I haven’t tried on yet. Maybe one of those will look better.” I tried to smile. “And maybe I can afford one of the other ones,” I thought, but I didn’t say it.

“Charlie, come on, this is a huge night for you,” Lisa argued through the door as I changed. I grabbed a deep orange dress and pulled it on, all of the fun gone from the experience of trying on clothes. “You should spoil yourself for once.”

“I can’t justify spending that much on a dress I’ll only wear once,” I called back, adjusting the sleeves on the orange dress.

“But Orlando has premieres and things coming up that you could wear it to,” she said. “And I’m sure if you can’t afford it, he’d buy it for you.”

I opened the door and came out into the store again, in the orange dress that I was finding more hideous by the second. “I’m not asking him to buy me a $2500 dress,” I said, going to the mirror. I winced at my own reflection. “That’s not right. If I can’t afford it myself, it’s just too expensive.”

“But look at this fabric, feel how soft that is on your skin!” She brought the red dress over to me. “And remember how amazing you looked in it. I’m sure you can come up with the money to look that fantastic.”

The truth was, I’d been sending most of my paychecks to my dad to have him invest them for me. Most of my money was tied up in investments that I couldn’t touch, so I really only had enough to live on. I kept maybe $150 every week for myself, and sent the rest to him. Broadway was such an uncertain business, I’d wanted to make sure that if I ever had a drought in roles, I would have money to live on. Plus, I wanted to own my own home someday, and figured my investments would help me with a down payment, especially considering how expensive it was to live in New York City. I knew Dad would question me if I didn’t send any money to him that week. Or the next, for that matter, with the price of that dress.

“I really can’t,” I said, trying to make the orange dress look better by fiddling with the sequins on the front. It just didn’t work. I sighed. “I’ll just find something else.”

“What a waste,” Lisa said, gazing sadly at the dress. She laid it gently on the chair she’d been sitting on and turned back to me. “Well, that certainly isn’t going to work.” She made a face at the ugly orange dress.

“I agree.” I went back to try something else.

We spent the next two hours trying on pretty much every dress in the store that was in my size, but I still couldn’t find anything as beautiful as the red dress. We left empty-handed, and I couldn’t help but feel sad as we went back home. I tried to tell myself we would find something else in another store, but I just didn’t feel like shopping anymore.

“How’d it go?” Orlando asked when we got back home. He was sitting on the sofa with a script in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. “Did you get a dress?”

I shook my head and tried not to let on that I was upset about it. “Not today, no,” I said, sitting beside him. He put the tea on the coffee table and slipped his arm around me as I cuddled against his side. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“But, what about…” Lisa started.

“I didn’t find a dress,” I said, emphasizing every word and shooting her a warning look. I knew if Orlando found out that I wanted the dress I couldn’t afford, he’d make sure I got it. I’d let him buy me clothes once before, but that was because I was in dire straits when Ramsey, my abusive ex-boyfriend, had destroyed most of my wardrobe, and I didn’t have the money to replace it. Necessity was totally different from extravagance.

“Okay, whatever,” Lisa said, shaking her head. “I’m going to call Jeremy before we have to go to work.” She bounced away to her room.

“Did you get lots done?” I said to Orlando, placing little nipping kisses on his neck. He was reading through the script for the final installment in the Pirates trilogy, to be ready for filming again in the summer. Orlando is dyslexic, so he likes to take his time with the scripts, to make sure he has all the time he needs to learn them.

“I did,” he said, putting the script down on the sofa beside him. He looked me in the eye. “Something tells me you’re not telling me everything about your shopping trip today.” He kissed my lips gently. “Charlie, what happened?”

“How do you do that?” I said, sighing. “How do you always know when something is wrong?”

“You don’t have the normal dopey grin on your face that you normally do when you’ve been shopping, love,” he said, stroking his fingers down my cheek. “And you wouldn’t let Lisa finish speaking, which tells me there’s something you don’t want me to know.”

I shook my head. “I’m just a little upset that I didn’t find a suitable dress,” I said. It wasn’t exactly a lie. The dress wasn’t suitable, but only because of the price tag. “I thought we would have been able to buy something, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” I hated the searching look he was giving me, because I knew if I didn’t move away from him soon, I’d tell him everything. I stood up.

“I’m positive,” I said, forcing a smile. “We’ll go again tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll find something then.” I checked my watch. “I have to get ready for work. Are you coming to the show tonight, or are you staying here?”

“Actually, love, I think I’m going out for drinks with a friend tonight,” he said, standing as well. He took me in his arms and kissed my nose. “I won’t be late.”

“No problem,” I said, squeezing his shoulders gently. “Have fun.” I really wanted to ask who he was going with, but I figured he’d tell me if he wanted me to know. I kissed him softly, enjoying the feel of his tongue gliding gently over my bottom lip. The familiar shivers raced through my body as I melted into him. I sighed as I pulled away.

“I really have to go,” I said, letting go of him reluctantly. I grabbed my purse, hollered at Lisa to get her butt in gear, and cast one final glance at Orlando as he sat back down with his script. He smiled over at me.

“You sure everything’s okay, love?” he said quietly.

I smiled. “I’m sure.” Lisa came out of her room and opened the door. “I love you,” I called over my shoulder as we left.

When we arrived at the theatre for the warm-up, Nick was in high spirits. He’d been pretty happy since our nomination announcements the week before, but now he was practically jumping off the walls. Barrie, our musical director, looked ready to spit nails as he sat behind the piano, waiting to begin the warm-up.
“What’s going on?” I whispered to Adam as I took my place beside him at the piano. Nick was jabbering away at some of the chorus members, his eyes growing wider by the second. If I hadn’t known him better, I’d have sworn he was on something.

“We were waiting for you and Lisa,” Adam said, keeping his voice low as Barrie glared over at us. “Apparently, he’s got some big news for us, but he wouldn’t say until everyone was here.”

“We’re here now, and if he doesn’t start soon, Barrie’s going to tie him up and beat him,” I said, taking a bottle of water from my bag. I took a sip. “Although, knowing Nick, I’m sure he’d enjoy that.” I grinned up at Adam as he put his arm around me and hugged me to his side.

“I’m sure you’re right,” he said, then lightly kissed my ear. I looked into his face, and saw that he was giving me that look he had every once in a while. I nudged him in the side and grinned, trying to keep it light. I knew what he was thinking about when that look crossed his handsome face, and it hurt to see it. As much as I loved Orlando, part of me still missed being with Adam that way.

“Nick, we haven’t got all day here,” Lisa called over to him, breaking Adam’s gaze from my face. My heart had sped up, and I was grateful for the distraction.

“Yeah, some of us actually have work to do tonight,” Barrie chimed in, rolling his eyes. “Unless you’d like me to send these singers out there cold.”

“Okay, okay,” Nick said, coming to stand at the piano with the rest of us. His eyes were bright and he had a huge smile on his face. He looked very self-satisfied. “I’ve got some news.”

“So we’ve heard,” Adam said, then sighed heavily and rested his chin on my shoulder while his arms came around my waist. Instinctively, I leaned back against him, telling myself he was just being friendly. “Get on with it,” he said, gently kneading my stomach through my shirt.

“I got a call this morning from the producer of the Tony Awards,” he said, his voice rising. “They’ve asked us to put together a medley, featuring Charlotte and Adam, to perform during the live broadcast.”

I was stunned, but Adam easily lifted me, spun me around, and hugged me tightly, laughing as he did so. It was much the same reaction Orlando had had when I’d heard about my nomination. I clung to Adam, still trying to process the fact that I’d be performing live for millions of people worldwide. Everyone started clapping and cheering around us, and Adam kissed my cheek before squeezing me tightly against him again.

“That’s not all,” Nick called over the commotion. “We’re getting the cover of Time Magazine next month as well.”

“We are, or Charlie and Adam are?” Lisa asked. She sounded simply interested, but there was a hint of bitterness in her voice. I knew she was upset about being passed over for a nomination, even if she insisted otherwise.

“They’ll be doing a cover shot of the whole cast, and one of Charlotte and Adam,” Nick said, avoiding her eyes. “Whichever one comes out better will be the actual cover.” We all knew that the group shot wouldn’t make it. We also knew that the nominated show that got a Time cover was usually the one that won the Tony. Even if I wasn’t featured, it was still a huge ego boost for me, as the show that I was part of was being honoured in such a way. My brain was overloading, and I still couldn’t speak.

“We’ll be putting in a lot of extra practice time,” Adam said, his arms still around me. “Those medleys are a bitch to work out.”

“They are?” I looked up at him. The last thing I needed was more work. As if eight shows a week wasn’t enough.

He nodded. “We have to rework the songs to make them fit the medley, and then we have to learn new choreography, because the stuff we use every night is too involved for an eight-minute segment. Plus, we can’t fit the whole company on the stage at the award show, so we’ll have to cut the number of people, and really flesh out the harmonies ourselves.” He shook his head. “It’s a lot of work.”

“But we can do it,” Nick said, and I swear I was waiting for him to start jogging around the room, handing out sports drinks. “You guys are pros, and you know this music like the back of your hand. And what’s another couple of hours every day, in the grand scheme of things?”

“For those of us who aren’t being showcased, it’s a lot of time,” Lisa said, that bitter edge in her voice again. “Why don’t they just let Adam and Charlie do something, and leave the rest of us alone?”

“That’s not how it works,” Adam said, running his hands up and down my arms. I turned in his arms again so I was facing everyone. Lisa’s face was unreadable. “They want each of the nominees for Best Musical fairly represented, with a medley of all the biggest songs in the show. This isn’t about us, it’s about the show as a whole.”

“And you’d know, wouldn’t you, Mr. Big Shot?” Lisa snapped, slamming her water bottle on top of the piano. Both Nick and Barrie flinched.

“Excuse me?” Adam looked dumbfounded, like the rest of us. I could see the other company members exchanging glances. Lisa never lost her temper, and very rarely, if ever, snapped at anyone.

“You heard me,” she said, glaring at him. “Of course you’d know what this is all about, because you’re the Broadway legend, right? You’re so fucking amazing that you’ve done all the award shows, and been on the cover of all the magazines, and you’re just such an authority on everything in this business. Well, you know what? You’re nothing special, Adam, though you’d never know it from the big fucking fuss everyone makes over you. We were a show and a family before you ever came along, and we don’t need your ego bullshit now.” She turned on her heel and stormed out.