Home

“I’ll just, um, go somewhere,” Lisa said when Orlando poked his head around the door. “I’ll be back later.” She hurried from the room.

“Hey,” Orlando said softly, not moving from the doorway. He was wearing black dress pants, and a navy blue sweater with a white button-down shirt poking out the top, and black dress shoes. He had a pair of sunglasses on his head, and his hair was pulled back in a ponytail.

“You can come in, you know,” I said, gesturing to the chair beside the bed. I grabbed my purse off the floor and took my checkbook out of it.

Tentatively, he came and sat beside me, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “How are you feeling?” he asked, the tenderness on his face forcing me to look away. He looked so beautiful, yet very tired.

“I’m fine,” I said shortly. “I don’t want to make small talk, Orlando. Tell me how much I owe you for the room and the dress, I’ll write the check, you’ll leave, and that’ll be that.”

He was speechless for a moment, then he shook his head slowly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. He looked at it for a second, then handed it to me. I looked at it and filled out a check for the amount written on the paper. I gave him the check.

“Thanks,” he said, folding the check and putting it in his pocket. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“I can pay my own way,” I said, putting my checkbook back in my purse.

“I never said you couldn’t, love,” he said, sitting back in the chair and crossing one leg over the other at the knee. He clearly wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

“Then why do you insist on doing stuff like this?” I said, sighing heavily. I sat back against the pillows and pulled my blankets up to my waist.

“Is it so wrong that I want to help you?” he said, his eyes searching mine. “To take care of you?”

“Orlando, we broke up,” I said, not wanting to yell or scream this time. This conversation had to be civil if I was going to prove I wasn’t a risk to myself. “It’s not your place to take care of me anymore.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

“It’s not supposed to be easy,” I reminded him gently. “So nothing I do will make it that way.”

“Why did you do this to yourself, Charlie?” he whispered, moving the chair forward so he was right up against the side of my bed.

“It wasn’t intentional,” I said, looking away, my face burning with shame. “I was angry, I broke the mirror, and I fell on the glass. Do you really think I’d hurt myself on purpose?”

“To be honest, when Lisa called and told me what had happened, I didn’t know what to think,” he said, leaning toward me. “You scared the shit out of me, love. I sat here and watched you sleep for three days, and all I could think was how much I would hate myself if you didn’t wake up. Do you have any idea how empty my life is without you in it?” Tears shone in his eyes.

“Don’t say things like that, okay?” I snapped, wanting more than anything to hold him and kiss him like I used to.

“I’m just telling you the truth,” he said, his hand resting on the bed, dangerously close to mine. I moved my hand so he didn’t touch me.

“I don’t care if it’s true,” I said, trying to be harsh so he’d leave. “Keep that kind of crap to yourself.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes, looking anywhere but at each other.

“So, uh, when do you get to go home?” Orlando asked awkwardly when the silence seemed never-ending.

“I’m not sure,” I said, shrugging. I winced at the pain in my arms, but managed to hide it from him. “Dr. Cuthbert wants to make sure I can be trusted on my own before he lets me out of here. It’s so stupid, you know. I’m not a risk to myself.”

“He has to be sure,” Orlando said gently.

“I know.”

He stood up. “I should go,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You need to rest.”

I found myself disappointed that he was leaving. Even though the conversation had been somewhat strained, and I’d thought I wanted him to leave, I couldn’t deny that I enjoyed seeing him.

“Okay,” I said, hoping my disappointment didn’t show. At the small smile I saw playing around his lips, I knew it had.

“Do you want me to stay a little longer?” he asked, standing right beside the bed. He bent down toward me. “It’s no trouble, love.”

I hesitated, feeling very warm suddenly. Against my better judgment, I reached up a hand and tucked a stray piece of hair behind his ear. He closed his eyes and sucked in his breath when my fingers grazed his cheek.

“Is that a yes?” he whispered, sitting on the edge of my bed. His leg was pressed right up against mine, and we were separated only by the thin blankets on my bed.

I nodded, despite myself. He smelled so good, so fresh, and I found I’d missed that scent more than I cared to admit. He reached out and took my hand in his, gently entwining his fingers with mine. I felt my body relax as he squeezed gently.

“Orlando,” I almost whimpered. There were so many emotions rushing through me, I wasn’t sure what to feel first. I was angry with him still for what he’d said about me, I was hurt because he’d slept with someone else, I was lonely because I missed him so much, I was excited because he was so close to me and I hadn’t shoved him away yet, and I was relieved that he hadn’t left. Tears welled in my eyes.

“Don’t cry, love,” he whispered, reaching out to smooth away the first tear that slid down my cheek.

“I can’t help it,” I said, dashing the tears away with my free hand. Pain burned through my arm at the sudden movement and I gasped. “Why are you still here? Why do you still want to be with me?” I looked him straight in the eyes.

“I guess I’m a sucker for punishment,” he said, chuckling a bit. “There were a lot of things said between us at the hotel that shouldn’t have been, Charlie, and I’m hoping we can forget them and move on.”

“But we meant what we said,” I reminded him gently as his thumb began making small circles over the side of my hand. Goosebumps rose on my arms and made me wince. I shook it off.

“At the time, yes,” he agreed, looking down at our hands. “But I’ve had a lot of time to think over the past week. I know you need time, and I’ll give you as much as you need, if that’s what it takes.”

“That’s not fair to you, like you said,” I pointed out, shaking my head. “I don’t want to be worrying about you passing up other opportunities while you’re waiting for me to make up my mind. I’m messed up right now, Orlando. I shouldn’t be with anyone, let alone someone I lo-,” I caught myself, not wanting to tell him I loved him. “Someone I care about,” I finished lamely.

“You’re not messed up,” he said, squeezing my fingers gently. “You were hurt, and angry.”

“Lashing out the way I did isn’t normal,” I said, and I felt my stomach knot up. “I need to talk to someone about this, to have the chance to figure out why I did what I did, and make sure it never happens again. I can’t be afraid that I’m going to hurt myself, whether or not it’s intentional, every time I get angry.”

“But you’ve never done this before,” he said, resting his free hand on my leg. Thankfully it wasn’t the one with stitches. His hand felt warm, even through my blankets and jeans. “It was an isolated incident that didn’t mean anything.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“Dr. Cuthbert has recommended therapy,” I said softly, embarrassed as the words came out of my mouth. I figured I may as well lay all my cards on the table for him, he deserved that much. “And I think it’s a good idea.”

“So you’ll talk to a psychologist for awhile,” he said, shrugging. “That’s no big deal, a lot of people have shrinks.”

“It’s just not something I ever thought I’d have to do,” I admitted. “But so much has happened this past year, it’s all coming to a head now. I mean, more has happened to me in the last year, both good and bad, than most people experience in ten years. I haven’t had a chance to adjust properly to one thing before another one comes along. So right now, I need to keep things as simple as possible, and that means being by myself.”

“I want to help you through this, Charlie,” he said, and he sounded so earnest, so sincere, that I wanted to give in and let him take care of me. But I knew I couldn’t, because if I did, I would only be hiding from my problems, instead of dealing with them head-on. I’d done enough running, now it was time to face everything and deal with it.

“The best way you can help me is by just walking away for now,” I said, each word causing me unbelievable pain. “Move on with your life so I can move on with mine. It’s what’s best for both of us.”

He pulled away from me and stood up. “I can’t do that, love,” he said, looking down at me with such love on his face, it made me ache all over. “I can’t walk away.”

“You have to,” I said, starting to cry openly now. “Please, just do this, for me. Forget I exist for awhile. Forget that you love me, forget that you want me, forget all of it. It’s what you need to do now.”

Tears rolled down his face and I felt my heart break all over again. I gestured for him to come to me, and he did, laying on the bed beside me. He put his arms around me and pulled me to his chest, holding me tightly as we cried together. I felt his tears in my hair, on my skin, felt his heart pounding beneath me, and I didn’t think I’d survive the overwhelming pain that washed through me. His hands moved over my back as he held me, never once staying still, as if they were trying to work away the hurt we were both feeling. I clung to him as we cried, trying to control the shaking that had started in my body.

After awhile the tears stopped, and we lay there in each other’s arms, not saying anything, just being together. We both knew that as soon as he let go, it was over. As soon as he got up and left my room, that was it, we were officially finished, and neither of us wanted that to happen. We couldn’t let go, not yet.

I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but the sun was setting outside my window when we finally stirred.

“I’ve missed my flight,” Orlando whispered, his voice hoarse from crying.

“I know,” I said, cuddling in tighter to him.

“I don’t want to let go,” he said, kissing my forehead gently.

“You have to at some point,” I said, though I was in no rush for that time to come.

“How am I going to move on without you?” he murmured into my hair. His hands began caressing my back again, but slowly this time, lovingly. “Charlie, I need you.”

My breathing hitched as I began to cry softly again. “I need you, too, Orlando,” I rasped, burying my face in his neck.

“Then let’s not do this,” he said, a touch of pleading in his voice. “Let’s make this work.”

I shook my head. “No,” I said, but it took every ounce of strength I had to say it. “The timing’s all wrong.”

“I don’t care,” he said, leaning back to look down into my face. He pulled me tighter against him, pressing his whole body against mine. He gently brushed his lips over mine before kissing me hungrily, his hands moving up into my hair, cupping my face, rubbing my neck.

I gave in to that kiss, to the feel of him against me. Very carefully he began to peel away my clothing, telling me over and over how much he loved me, how much he needed me, how much he wanted me. His breath on my skin made me shiver and grab for him, holding him to me greedily. He felt so right in my arms, his kisses tasted so perfect on my lips, his hands burned into my skin as they roamed over my body.

“Wait,” I gasped when we had shed all of our clothing and were caressing each other beneath the blankets. “We can’t do this, Orlando.”

“Say the word and I’ll go,” he breathed into my ear as his hands moved over my skin.

“I – I – I can’t,” I sighed, wrapping my legs around his hips, careful not to get near my stitches.

“Good,” he grunted, pressing tightly against me, slipping his arms beneath me to hold me even closer. “I want you, Charlie.” He pulled back and looked into my eyes as he began to move against me in earnest.

“Make love to me,” I whispered, then leaned up to capture his lips with mine.

Though the bed was narrow and the sheets were slightly rough against our skin, he did just that.

As our breathing returned to normal and we began to relax in each other’s arms, I felt such a deep feeling of love flow through me that I gasped at the intensity of it. He placed soft little kisses over my face and neck as he held me, and I knew that’s where I belonged. Suddenly I was so confused. I felt like I was torn between what I knew was right, and what I wanted more than anything. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what would happen when he left.

“Charlie?” he whispered in the darkness. The moon was high in the sky now, and I began to wonder why no one had come to bring me food at all that day. I figured they were being discreet. “What are you thinking, love?”

I sighed and ran my hand over his stomach. “I don’t really know,” I said.

“Do you still feel the same way about us?” I heard the trepidation in his voice, the hesitancy, like he didn’t want to ask the question but he had to.

“That’s what I’m unsure about,” I replied, sitting up. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and began to pull on my clothing. The jeans pressed on my stitches and I winced. I pulled them off again and grabbed my nightgown out of my bag. When I was dressed, I turned to face him again.

Bad idea. He was laying on his back in my hospital bed, the sheet pulled to his waist, his arms behind his head. There was a lazy smile spreading over his gorgeous face, his hair was all messed up, and he looked so wonderful, I just wanted to rip my clothes off and join him again.

Limping to keep my bad leg from bearing any weight, I went around the bed and sat in the chair beside it. I had to think now, to keep my distance from him.

“Orlando,” I breathed as he stood up, the sheet falling away. I looked up into his eyes as he stood in front of me, taking my hands in his. Gently, he lifted my right hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart.

“I love you, Charlie,” he said, and I could feel his heart beating under my hand. “And I know you love me. That’s all that matters right now.”

I allowed him to help me to my feet and into his arms. He supported my weight as we stood there, and I hugged him fiercely to me. “You’re right,” I said against his neck. “That’s all that matters.”

“Does that mean we’re going to forget all of this bullshit?” he asked, turning us so I could get back into my bed.

I hesitated, knowing I should stand my ground and do what was best for me. But the truth was, with the moonlight pouring in the window, illuminating his beautiful form, and the scent of our lovemaking surrounding me, I knew Orlando was what I needed, he was what was best for me. Slowly, I nodded.

“Okay,” I said, my voice small in the sterile room. “I love you, Orlando.”

A huge grin spread over his face and he leaned down to hug me. “Thank God,” he said, laughing. I joined in, not really finding anything funny, just laughing with relief, with the joy of it all.

“I’m going to make some phone calls,” Orlando said, pulling away from me so he could get dressed.

“You might want to shower first,” I teased. “It won’t look very good if you go walking through the hospital smelling like sex.” I giggled.

“I’m just going outside for a minute, then I’ll be back,” he said, leaning down to kiss me. He straightened his hair, grabbed his cell phone, and hurried from the room.

No sooner did he leave than Lisa came in, a broad smile on her face. “You realize you’ve been locked in here for hours, right?” she teased, turning on a light. “I kept the nurses away for you, but I didn’t think it would be this long.”

“Making up takes a long time if it’s done right,” I said, unable to keep the smirk from my face.

“I figured that’s what was going on in here.” She made a face. “You might want to get someone to change the sheets.” She laughed. “So where did he rush off to?”

“He missed his flight,” I said, shifting in the bed to get more comfortable. I suddenly just wanted to go home, to be in my own bed, in my own room, with my own blankets. “I’m guessing he’s dealing with that.” My stomach growled loudly. “I’m starving. I missed dinner, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, it was over an hour ago,” she said. “Do you want me to get you something?”

I nodded. “Please, if you don’t mind,” I said as my stomach growled again.

“No problem, I’ll be right back.” She went back into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

I laid there for a few minutes, just thinking about everything that had happened that day. I was just reliving the best parts of it when Dr. Cuthbert came into the room.

“I was hoping I’d get to check in on you before I left for the day,” he said as he examined my chart. “But that friend of yours wasn’t letting anyone in here.” He read my chart for a moment. “How’s the pain today?”

“It’s just a dull ache,” I said, mentally taking stock of my body. “More annoying than painful, really.”

“How would you like to go home?” I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.

“Home?” I repeated dumbly.

He smiled. “I think you’ve been here long enough,” he said, putting my chart back. “As long as you go to the psychologist I recommended, I don’t see there being any reason for you to stay here. You’ll have to come to my office next week to get your stitches out, but other than that, it’s just a matter of time.”

I grinned. “Can I go now?” I asked eagerly.

He chuckled. “Give it one more night,” he said. “You can leave in the morning, after breakfast, okay? I’ll sign your release forms.”

“Sounds good,” I said, slightly disappointed that I’d have to spend another night there. “Thank you, Dr. Cuthbert.”

“You’re welcome, Charlie. Have a good night. I’ll see you in the morning before you leave.” He left the room.

Orlando came back a few minutes later, looking rather sheepish. “There are some very important people pissed off at me right now,” he said, sitting in the chair beside my bed. “But I managed to get a couple more days.”

“Good,” I said, reaching over to take his hand. “Then you can take me home tomorrow.” I grinned.

“You’re allowed to leave?” he said, kissing my fingers.

“Yes,” I said. “Dr. Cuthbert just gave me the okay. I can go home tomorrow morning.”

“That’s fantastic,” he said, running his hand up my arm.

We chatted quietly for awhile, until Lisa came back with a bagel and a cup of tea.

“Best I could do on short notice,” she said, setting the food on my table. “But the nurses wanted me to tell you that visiting hours are over, so we have to leave.” She frowned. “They just don’t care about true love in this hospital,” she said, shaking her head.

“It’s okay,” Orlando said, rising. “You should rest anyway. I’ll be back first thing tomorrow, and we’ll take you home.” He kissed me, sending shivers through my body. “I love you, Charlie.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered, relieved to be able to say the words again without having to worry about sending mixed signals. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lisa waved as they left, and I was alone with my bagel. I ate quickly, ravenously, finished my tea, and rolled over to go to sleep. Before long, I was out like a light, a smile on my face because I knew everything would be okay.