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I was so busy over the next week that I didn’t have time to dwell on missing Orlando. I spent a lot of time at the theatre, getting Adam ready to perform with us, and actually doing the show itself. It amazed me how quickly he picked things up, how fast he fit in with the rest of the cast. By the time he was set to go on, he was more than ready.

That night was hectic, as Nick paced around, ever the nervous director, fretting about this or that. I had to laugh as he passed by us for the fourth time during my make-up application. He was completely wired.

“He’ll sleep well tonight,” Janine joked, fastening my microphone into my hair before she put on my wig. Normally, the mic had been looped into the wig, but we were having problems with it getting lost, so Nick told her to secure it underneath instead. “Are you nervous?”

I smiled at her in the mirror. “No, not really,” I said, painting my own arm. With the extra work of putting the mic in differently every night, we’d had to cut some time out of the paint process, so I was now doing part of my arms myself. “Adam knows what he’s doing, and he was fine in rehearsal this afternoon, so I have no doubt he’ll be fantastic tonight.”

“You’ve enjoyed working with him, haven’t you?” she said, adding another pin to my hair.

“Of course,” I said, careful not to let on just how much. “He’s really talented, and we work well together.”

“It doesn’t hurt that he’s cute as can be,” she said, grinning. Then she sobered. “But he’s not Orlando.”

I tensed. “I don’t want to talk about that,” I said, looking away from her, and concentrating on my arms. We finished with my make-up and wig, and I went to get into my first costume.

Just after Madeline gave our five minute call, Adam came up to me, dressed as Fiyero, in his ruby red vest and grey pants. He looked really cute, yes strangely reminiscent of Sean. I shook it off and smiled.

“How do you feel?” I said as we went into the wings together. “You look great.”

“I’m a little nervous,” he admitted, lowering his voice as we entered the darkness of the left wing. “Once the music starts, I’ll be fine, though. How are you doing?”

I knew there was more to his question than a simple inquiry about my nerves. I smiled in the darkness. “I’m fine,” I said as he took my hand. “It gets easier every day. I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to think about it.”

“That’s how I feel, too,” he said, squeezing my fingers gently. “I’ll get to see my boys next week, so that makes it a bit easier.” Adam had two sons, Lennon and Montgomery, both under six years old, and he’d told me earlier in the week that the hardest part of the divorce was not seeing them every day.

We were hushed by an insistent Madeline, and before we knew it, we were performing. “As Long As You’re Mine” went very well, and it was fun to play with him, to kiss and caress, and pretend to be as in love with him as I had thought I was as a teenager, when I’d first seen Rentin New York, with my parents. We’d done it before, in rehearsals, but somehow, with the lights and the smoke and the audience, it made it more real for us, more passionate. I had to admit, I savored the taste of him on my lips after we’d parted.

When the show was over, and we’d received a huge standing ovation, we ran back into the backstage area, giddy with our success. Lisa came over to me and hugged me tightly, tears in her eyes.

“Honey, you’re back!” she cried, hugging me again. “That was the best you’ve been since, well, you know…” she trailed off, a sheepish look on her face. “Maybe Adam has been good for you.”

“You’re crazy,” I said, taking the pins out of my hair so I could get my wig off. I sat at my dressing table so Janine could remove my mic before I went to shower. “You were pretty great tonight, too. I had to fight not to laugh during ‘Dancing Through Life’, with you and that stupid hat.” I gestured to my pointed witch’s hat on the table. I mocked her little munchkin voice, “You know black is this year’s pink,” then we laughed.

“Oh well, the audience liked it,” she said, unzipping her dress. “Where’s Adam? I want to congratulate him before we head home.”

“I don’t know,” I said, looking around the crowded room. “He’s here somewhere.” I stood up, Janine having finished with my wig and mic. “I need to shower, I’ll be back in a bit.” I headed into the showers.

A short time later, de-greenified, I came out, dressed in my favourite jeans and my old Laurier sweatshirt, a towel on my head. Lisa was waiting at my dressing table, and Adam was with her.

“I was just asking Lisa if you two wanted to go for drinks or something,” Adam said as I approached. I couldn’t read Lisa’s face, but I don’t think she was happy.

“Uh, sure,” I said, reaching for my hairbrush as I took the towel off my head. “A drink or two wouldn’t hurt. I’m kind of pumped anyway.”

“Me too,” he said, moving so I could sit down to do my hair and make-up. “I haven’t felt that alive in a long time.”

“Me too,” he said, moving so I could sit down to do my hair and make-up. “I haven’t felt that alive in a long time.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, smiling up at him. “New blood always does that to a show.”

“The old blood isn’t so bad either,” Lisa threw in, looking increasingly more disgruntled. “Sometimes what’s familiar is better than what’s new.” She shot me a look, but for the life of me, I didn’t know what it meant.

“Okay,” Adam said slowly, looking from her to me. “Whatever. Anyway, I’m going to go say good night to Nick. I’ll meet you in the lobby.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Thanks for making it fun tonight.”

“My pleasure,” I said, grinning up at him. “We’ll be out in a bit.” He grabbed his jacket and left.

“You’re not really going out with him, are you?” Lisa said, as soon as the door closed behind him.

“No,” I said, my stomach churning guiltily at the thought. “We’re both going for drinks to celebrate a successful show. It’s not a big deal.”

“What about Orlando?”

I sighed in frustration. I swear she’d become Orlando’s representative with me over the last week, mentioning him every chance she got. If I hadn’t been too busy to worry about it, I might have gotten angry. “What about him?” I said doggedly.

“You two will get back together soon, and the last thing you need is another guy mucking up your head,” she said, deadly serious.

“Lisa, we’re not getting back together,” I said slowly, looking away from her to put my eye shadow on. “Nothing has changed, he’s still too busy, and our schedules don’t mesh.” I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. “It’s no big deal.”

“You keep telling yourself that,” she said. “But you mark my word, you’ll be back with him soon, and you’ll be regretting getting into anything with Adam in the interim.”

“I’m not getting into anything with Adam,” I said, feeling like a broken record. I’d been telling her all week that the passion in our performances was faked, that there was nothing between us, but she didn’t want to listen. She was hell-bent that I was falling for him, which I certainly wasn’t. At least, I didn’t think I was.

“Sure sure,” she said, standing up. “You say that now, but give it a bit of time, and you’ll be in love with him.”

“I somehow doubt that,” I said, leaning toward the mirror to put on my mascara. “And anyway, why do you care? What, did Orlando elect you to keep him in my head while he’s gone? I swear, you’d think you were his friend instead of mine.”

“I just hate seeing you unhappy,” she said, putting her hand gently on my back. “You’re happy with him, you love him, you should be with him, it’s that simple.”

“Well, that’s all very well and good,” I said, putting the mascara away. “But you forget that he didn’t see it that way, which is why he broke up with me. Remember?”

“I still maintain he’s regretting it.”

“You know what?” I said, getting annoyed at her. “I don’t care if he is. I’m moving on with my life, and he’s moving on with his. Case closed. Now can we please go have a drink or two with Adam and then go home to bed? I’m beat.”

“Fine,” she said, letting the subject drop. We grabbed our jackets and went with Adam for drinks at a bar down the street.

When we got home two hours later, the answering machine light was flashing. I had come to dread that light, and the messages it meant were waiting. I walked right past the machine and went into my bedroom, figuring Lisa would deal with it. It wasn’t too long before I heard the familiar beep, telling me she was checking our messages.

“Charlie, it’s Dad,” came my dad’s voice from the machine. “Haven’t heard from you in a while, wanted to check in. I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you.” Beep.

“Okay, Charlie, you’re being a pain in the ass about this.” It was Johnny. “Please call me, I want to talk to you.” Beep.

“Bloody hell, Charlie, it’s Keira. I just wanted to tell you to call Orlando. Kate’s here, and it doesn’t look good. I’ll ring you later and hopefully catch you.” Beep.

I opened the door to my room and went into the living room. Lisa was looking at the machine, dumbfounded. She looked up at me. “I thought you didn’t care,” she said finally.

I tried to shrug it off, but I couldn’t. “I, uh, I don’t,” I said, walking past her to go into the kitchen. She followed me.

“Bullshit,” she said as I put the kettle on to boil for tea. “I saw your face when you came out. It totally bothers you that Kate is there.”

“It’s not something I’m happy about hearing, no,” I said, getting a tea bag out of the canister on the counter. I knew if I stopped moving, I’d break down and cry. “But he can do whatever he wants, and if he wants to do her, then I can’t stop him.”

“But you can,” she insisted, grabbing my arm to stop me from fidgeting some more. “You just have to say the word and he’ll get rid of her.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told me,” she said, looking me square in the eyes. “He said he’d do anything to be back with you. I seriously doubt he has anything to do with her being down there.”

“Lisa, when did you talk to him?”
“He’s called a couple times this week,” she said, her eyes never wavering from mine. “But you’re never here. So he talks to me.”

I couldn’t help the jealousy that was rising in my chest, as much as I tried to shove it away. I knew Lisa’s only intention in talking to him was to get us back together, but it still bothered me that she could talk to him when I couldn’t. “What does he say?” I dared to ask, though every instinct in my body told me to not care.

“He just wants to know what you’re doing, how you’ve been, that kind of thing,” she said, leading me to the table to sit down. “He worries about you, and he doesn’t like hearing about Adam.”

“What have you been telling him about Adam?” I said, my tone dangerous.

“Just that he’s the new Fiyero, and you seem to really like working with him,” she said, though I could tell from her voice there was more to it.

“And?” I pressed.

“And that I think you’re getting a little too close,” she said, unapologetic. “He deserves to know what’s going on.”

“Okay, no,” I said, standing up as the kettle began to boil. It was the perfect metaphor for how I felt, as though I was going to blow my top. She was interfering in my life, and I wanted it to stop. “I don’t want you reporting to him any more,” I said, pouring the water into my cup, to avoid snapping on her. “He doesn’t need to know how I am, or what I’m doing, or who I’m friends with. You need to respect my wishes and stop going behind my back.”

“If you’d just talk to him, I wouldn’t need to be in the middle,” she said, getting angry. “I’m only trying to keep you from doing something stupid.”

“That’s not your place,” I said, whipping around to face her, my anger matching hers. “Jesus, Lisa, you’re not my mother. I’m a grown woman and I can deal with my own shit. If you think he’s that great, why don’t you date him?”

“Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind,” she said, a nasty sneer on her face. “But he loves you, and no one else will even register for him right now.”

“I’m sure Kate’s doing her best to change that,” I said sarcastically, taking my tea into the living room. I stopped and turned to her. “You’ve thought about dating him?” I said, flabbergasted.

“Yes, actually,” she said, her hands on her hips. “He’s a great catch, sweet, smart, caring.”

“Hot, rich, famous,” I finished rudely. “Yeah, I know the finer points. He’s a hell of a lover, too. Does that factor in?”

“It wasn’t something I was ignorant of, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said, her tone bitchy. “You’re not always the quietest person, you know.”

I felt my face heat up, but I pushed away the embarrassment. “Oh well,” I said, folding my arms over my chest. “I had to give you something to dream about while you were sleeping alone.” I know it was horrible and mean of me to say, but she’d pissed me off.

“Low blow,” she said, tears appearing in her eyes. “All I wanted was to help you out, and now you’re shitting all over me? You can go to hell, Charlie. I hope for his sake that Orlando never convinces you to talk to him. You don’t deserve to have him in your life, and right now you don’t deserve me, either.” She stormed off to her room and slammed the door.

I stood there for a minute, trying to control my breathing, to keep myself from shaking. Blowing up at her wasn’t the smartest thing I could have done, but, really, enough was enough. I figured we’d cool off and then talk it out. She couldn’t stay mad at me forever. I sighed as I went into my room and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” Kevin answered a few seconds later.

“Hey, Kevin, is Keira there?”

“Sure, Charlie, just a sec.” I heard him holler to her, and a short time later, she picked up the phone.

“It’s about time,” she said when she answered.

“Sorry, things have been crazy here,” I said, smiling to myself. “What’s going on?” I settled back against the pillows on my bed, figuring it wasn’t going to be a short conversation. She sounded agitated.

“Kate’s down here,” she burst out, like she’d been dying to tell me. Knowing her, she probably had. “You need to call Orlando before he does something stupid.”

I sighed. “You guys just don’t get it, do you? I’m not going to call him, I’ve told him not to call me, and I’d appreciate it if you all left it at that.”

“You don’t understand,” she said, lowering her voice. “He’s enjoying the fact that Kate is here. I seriously think they could get back together.”

I ignored the jolt of pain that ripped through me. “That’s his choice,” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. “Please, just let him do what he’s going to do.”

“But he’s only doing it to get back at you,” she said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Get back at me for what?” I said. “He broke up with me, remember?”

“He thinks you’re seeing someone new,” she said. “Adam something.”

“Oh my God,” I said, rubbing my hand over my eyes. “Adam is the new male lead in the show, and he’s a friend. I’m not seeing anyone right now, and I don’t intend to.”

“That’s not what he’s been told,” she said. “He was madder than hell the other day because he thought you were out with this guy. Then the next day Kate showed up. It just seemed a bit too convenient.”

“I’m only going to say this once more,” I said through gritted teeth. I knew Lisa had told him I was with Adam. How else would he have known? “Please, just let him do what he’s going to do. I don’t need to hear about it. I don’t care anymore.”

“Charlie, you don’t mean that.”

“I do, Keira,” I said. “I have to, otherwise I won’t get through this. Every time you or Johnny call here it’s like twisting the knife deeper and deeper. I’m just starting to feel normal again, and I don’t need to come home to messages about Orlando on my answering machine. You’re only making it harder on me.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But we all seem to agree that you need to be with him.”

“And yet the two people most important in that equation don’t think so,” I said.

“He does.”

“Okay, stop,” I said firmly. “Enough. I need to get to bed, I’m tired, and I don’t want to hear this anymore. I’ll talk to you soon.” I hung up.

I was just getting into bed a few minutes later when the phone rang. I reached over and grabbed it. “Do you know what time it is?”

“Sorry, love, I didn’t think you’d be sleeping yet.” It was Orlando.

“I’ve told you repeatedly not to call me ‘love,’ Orlando,” I said, flopping back in the bed. I fought to keep control on myself. “Why are you even calling me?”
“Just to say hello,” he said, and I could tell he was struggling to stay calm. “I miss you.”

“Does Kate know that?” I snapped.

“I figured someone would have told you she was here,” he said, my bitchiness seemingly not phasing him. “Does that bother you?”

I laughed, a nasty, cold laugh. “Of course not,” I said. “In fact, I’m glad you’re moving on, because then maybe you’ll leave me the hell alone.”

“Is that really how you feel?”

“Are you really sleeping with her?”

“No,” he said, taking me completely by surprise. “She’s good company, but I don’t feel that way about her anymore.”

I didn’t know what to say. From what Keira and Lisa had said, I’d assumed he was continuing his relationship with her.

“Charlie?” he said when I was quiet too long.

“What?”

“What are you thinking?” His voice was soft and if I was honest with myself, it made me all shivery. I still loved him, I couldn’t help it.

“I don’t know,” I said slowly, fighting to stay angry with him. I wasn’t ready to give in, to talk to him, to remember that I cared about him. “What are you thinking, Orlando?”

“That I love you,” he said, and his words pierced right through me. Tears welled in my eyes. “Is that wrong?”

“Yes,” I whispered as the first tear slid down my cheek. “We’re not together anymore, remember? You can’t say things like that to me.”

“But it’s true,” he said, and I could almost see the tenderness on his face, the way he would look at me if he were saying it in person. My breath caught in my throat and I had to struggle to keep breathing, it hurt so much.

“Why are you doing this, Orlando?” I said, my voice somewhat hoarse from the emotion that was raging in me. “Why do you keep making it hurt?”

“I’m not trying to,” he said sadly. “I just want you to know that I’m still thinking about you.”

“But that’s what hurts,” I said. “If we’d broken up because you don’t love me anymore, I could handle that. You can’t keep calling me and telling me you love me when we’re not together. It’s too hard.”

“I’m sorry, love,” he said, then caught himself. “Shit. Sorry.”

“I need to go,” I said, wanting nothing more than to be with him, in his arms, letting him take all of the pain away. Obviously that couldn’t happen. “Please, don’t call me again.”

“Wait,” he said as I went to hang up the phone. “Charlie, I need to know something.”

“Make it quick.”

“Are you seeing this Adam guy?”

I knew he would ask me that. I sighed. “No, Orlando, I’m not,” I said, keeping my voice calm and patient-sounding. “He’s new to the show, we work together. He’s a friend, not that it’s really any of your business.”

“You had me worried there for a bit,” he said, relief in his voice. “I’ll let you go. Get some sleep, lo- uh, Charlie.” We hung up.

I laid back in bed, staring at the ceiling, so many emotions running through me. He wasn’t back with Kate, she was just there to keep him company. The thought gave me some comfort, but I had to admit that I’d been jealous. The thought of him with someone else was too much to take right then, and I hated how much it hurt. I rolled over and turned out the light, craving the sweet oblivion that sleep offered me. I could sort out the rest later.